Introduction
The Walk
A guided process designed to help you explore the nature of happiness through conversation, exercises and reflection.
It usually takes one to two hours, depending on your pace.
Guidelines
Three simple rules
- Walk with a friend or partner.
- Ask the questions, and try not to interrupt.
- Take your time to swap over and do the exercises.
“
Your definition of happiness influences every other significant decision in your life.
— Dr. Robert Holden
How a round works
Ask, swap, walk, reflect
- A question — one of you speaks, the other listens.
- Swap over, so you both get to answer.
- An exercise to do as you walk.
- A reflection to take you deeper.
Question 1
speaks·listensYour turn to speakis speaking
What does happiness mean to you?
For , listeningYour turn to listenWhat your buddy is doing
Keep listening. Reflect back what they say once they have finished answering.
Question 1
Swap over
Hand the phone to . listens now.Your turn now. Take a breath, and answer the same question in your own words. answers now. Listen, and reflect back what you hear.
Take your time
Question 1
speaks·listensYour turn to speakis speaking
What does happiness mean to you?
For , listeningYour turn to listenWhat your buddy is doing
Keep listening. Reflect back what they say once they have finished answering.
Exercise 1 · do it together
Smile at strangers
- The actionSmile at at least two people you meet on your walk.
- The reflectionNotice what happens — either inside you, or around you — as a result.
To help with question 1
What is happiness?
Your definition
It shapes your attitude, your pace, your priorities and how you greet the day. Take your time — it can be an ongoing inquiry.
Not a destination
Happiness is not something to find or become, and not a finishing line you will cross one day.
Already here
The more you strive and search for happiness, the more you overlook the possibility that it is already here.
A poem for the road
Happiness is the Goal
Happiness is the journey’s goal
So why not get there now
Each step reflects the end
…It’s easy when you know how
The difficulties you thought were real
Put obstacles in the way
But choose happiness as your guide
Each moment of the day
Then there is nowhere to go to
And joy is here we find
When our intention is very clear
And love is in our mind
So search inside for the memory
Of the truth of who you are
And happiness will radiate
From you, like a star
Niccola Willis · Out of the Box poetry cards
Question 2
speaks·listensYour turn to speakis speaking
How happy are you right now, from 1 to 10?
- What would it take to be one count happier? Then two, then three…
- How does it feel? Notice the comfortable feelings, and anything you would like to share.
For , listeningYour turn to listenWhat your buddy is doing
Guide them step by step, all the way up to 10.
’s numberYour number’s turn
Mark the number
Where are you right now? You can come back to this at the end of the walk.
Give them the space
Guide them up the scale, one count at a time. Your own number comes next.
Question 2
Swap over
Hand the phone to . listens now.Your turn now. Take a breath, and answer the same question in your own words. answers now. Listen, and reflect back what you hear.
Take your time
Question 2
speaks·listensYour turn to speakis speaking
How happy are you right now, from 1 to 10?
- What would it take to be one count happier? Then two, then three…
- How does it feel? Notice the comfortable feelings, and anything you would like to share.
For , listeningYour turn to listenWhat your buddy is doing
Guide them step by step, all the way up to 10.
’s numberYour number’s turn
Mark the number
Where are you right now? You can come back to this at the end of the walk.
Give them the space
Guide them up the scale, one count at a time. Your own number comes next.
Exercise 2 · do it together
Find something beautiful
Notice something nearby that you can see that makes you smile.
- A flowerA blossom, a green leaf, or a splash of natural colour blooming nearby.
- A childThe innocent joy, curiosity or simple laughter of a child playing.
- The skyDrifting clouds, the vast blue expanse, or the warm light.
To help with question 2
How happy are you?
Connection
Happy moments are about deep connection — to ourselves, to each other, to nature, and to universal loving energy.
Being moments
Unrelated to chasing or getting. True happiness comes from the intentions, choices and attitude you bring to this very moment.
Extend it
You are not here to find happiness; you are here to extend it.
“
You are inspiration-packed, wisdom-infused, and blessed with joy… and so is everyone else.
Question 3
speaks·listensYour turn to speakis speaking
How do you limit your happiness?
- Are there beliefs, ideas, habits, defences, wounds or fears holding you back?
- Are you aware of being authentic to your true self, rather than your conditioned self?
For , listeningYour turn to listenWhat your buddy is doing
Hold the space, and let them find their own answer.
Question 3
Swap over
Hand the phone to . listens now.Your turn now. Take a breath, and answer the same question in your own words. answers now. Listen, and reflect back what you hear.
Take your time
Question 3
speaks·listensYour turn to speakis speaking
How do you limit your happiness?
- Are there beliefs, ideas, habits, defences, wounds or fears holding you back?
- Are you aware of being authentic to your true self, rather than your conditioned self?
For , listeningYour turn to listenWhat your buddy is doing
Hold the space, and let them find their own answer.
Exercise 3 · do it together
Ask yourselves
Walk on a little and sit with these three questions.
- BeingWhat am I not being?
- GivingWhat am I not giving?
- ReceivingWhat am I not receiving?
“
Most people do not need therapy, they need clarity.
If you feel something is missing, try to stop searching outside yourself.
To help with question 3
Limiting happiness?
What am I not being?
Honest, kind, forgiving, grateful, accepting. How can you be truer to your real nature, with no “shoulds”?
What am I not giving?
We concentrate on what we are not getting. The real search is for what we are not giving — to yourself, or to others.
What am I not receiving?
You might be blocking your own receiving through pride, cynicism, independence, or feelings of unworthiness.
“
You can’t truly be happy and be dishonest about your unhappiness.
Acceptance is key. As long as you don’t accept yourself, you will always want more than you have.
Question 4
speaks·listensYour turn to speakis speaking
What makes you happy?
- What energises you?
- What do you love to do?
- What inspires you?
For , listeningYour turn to listenWhat your buddy is doing
Offer the clues gently, only if they get stuck.
Question 4
Swap over
Hand the phone to . listens now.Your turn now. Take a breath, and answer the same question in your own words. answers now. Listen, and reflect back what you hear.
Take your time
Question 4
speaks·listensYour turn to speakis speaking
What makes you happy?
- What energises you?
- What do you love to do?
- What inspires you?
For , listeningYour turn to listenWhat your buddy is doing
Offer the clues gently, only if they get stuck.
Exercise 4 · do it together
Recapture and bottle it
- Recapture the feelingThink of the happiest moment of your life. Take your time to bring the memory back and fully recapture the precise physical and emotional feeling of it.
- Bottle it upMentally bottle that powerful feeling, so you can sprinkle it on yourself whenever you need it.
A moment, together
Hold the feeling
Feel it for one minute — or walk sixty steps, or to a spot you pick out ahead of you.
To help with question 4
Follow your joy
What to release
You have to be willing to give up the habitual self-criticism and the fruitless self-attack.
What to embody
Joy always leads to inspiration. Feel yourself expanding with each breath. Think about when, where and with whom you let your joy be expressed.
A poem for the road
Happiness is Deep Inside
I can’t make you happy, you can’t make me
Happiness is deep inside
You can choose to let it be
To smile or frown is your choice
No matter what you see
So give your joy its happy voice
And that’s how you will be
I can’t make you sad, you can’t make me
Sadness is only forgetting love
Which is in us all the while
Let it out and let it in
Sing and laugh and smile
So the world inside and out can see
We’ve let happiness be free
Niccola Willis · Out of the Box poetry cards
Question 5
speaks·listensYour turn to speakis speaking
Giving up all resistance to…
How might you be a more loving and accepting person, to be more present in your life?
- Happiness
- Yourself
- Being
- Letting go
- Unreasonable joy
For , listeningYour turn to listenWhat your buddy is doing
Guide them to include being loving towards themselves, as well as others.
Question 5
Swap over
Hand the phone to . listens now.Your turn now. Take a breath, and answer the same question in your own words. answers now. Listen, and reflect back what you hear.
Take your time
Question 5
speaks·listensYour turn to speakis speaking
Giving up all resistance to…
How might you be a more loving and accepting person, to be more present in your life?
- Happiness
- Yourself
- Being
- Letting go
- Unreasonable joy
For , listeningYour turn to listenWhat your buddy is doing
Guide them to include being loving towards themselves, as well as others.
Exercise 5 · do it together
Take a happy break
- Sit down somewhereMaybe with a cuppa. Do nothing, and be happy.
- Just decideTry, for a moment, to decide simply to be happy.
A moment, together
Do nothing, happily
No effort, no pretence, no striving. If it feels undoable, relax a bit more.
To help with question 5
The “Be Happy” experiment
An exercise in being
Not a technique you do. More of a let-it-happen moment than a make-it-happen method. If you think you are doing it wrong, it is because you aren’t supposed to be doing anything at all.
Overcoming resistance
So simple it may reveal any last resistance you hold. Watch for “this is too easy” or “I can’t just be happy”. It exposes the buts.
When you stop doing everything else
Happiness is what’s left
A natural state
Happiness already exists in us, but is often obscured by mental distractions. You don’t need a reason to be happy.
The striving trap
There is always “something else” to do first. Constantly striving to become better blocks happiness now and later — it betrays unworthiness.
Healing and pain
Being happy is not a denial of suffering. By being open to it, you invite healing and free yourself from pain.
Question 6
speaks·listensYour turn to speakis speaking
Are there any resentments or complaints that you might be able to let go of today?
Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a permanent attitude.— Dr. Martin Luther King
For , listeningYour turn to listenWhat your buddy is doing
Remind them that these can be complaints about others — or about ourselves.
“
Sometimes, in order to be happy in the present moment, you have to be willing to give up all hope for a better past.
Question 6
Swap over
Hand the phone to . listens now.Your turn now. Take a breath, and answer the same question in your own words. answers now. Listen, and reflect back what you hear.
Take your time
Question 6
speaks·listensYour turn to speakis speaking
Are there any resentments or complaints that you might be able to let go of today?
Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a permanent attitude.— Dr. Martin Luther King
For , listeningYour turn to listenWhat your buddy is doing
Remind them that these can be complaints about others — or about ourselves.
Exercise 6 · do it together
A brand new page
- Imagine yourself without a pastFor a few minutes: no story, no regrets, no grudges, no grumbles.
- A blank pageJust a brand new page, to write a new story on.
To help with question 6
Forgiveness
The power of love
Love erases even the deepest and most painful memories, because love goes deeper than anything else. — Louise L. Hay
Happiness and forgiveness
True happiness has nothing to do with forgiving or being forgiven — until your first wound. After that, your willingness to forgive lets you remember who you are.
More forgiveness
A call for forgiveness
There can be no suffering that fails to hide an unforgiving thought, nor any pain that forgiveness cannot heal. — A Course in Miracles
Decision and realisation
The decision to be happy — making happiness more important than any other outcome. Choosing it sets a miracle in motion.
A decision to stop hurting yourself
Carrying a grievance does not hurt anyone as much as it hurts you.
Letting go of the past
Without a past there is nothing to forgive. Let go of the suffering, the disappointments and the stories. The past is over; it only exists in your mind.
The joy of forgiveness
The joy lies in realising you are not a victim. Give your past a new meaning, learn the lessons, and stop hurting yourself.
A poem for the road
Sending My Love
This blank page I start anew
To send my love …to you
Pull out the pages gone before
Those words aren’t needed anymore
That history of years gone by
Won’t help the advent that is nigh
So forgive my previous flicking back
It was because I thought a lack
But only now becomes the gentle peace
Becalming the storms with sweet release
This moment between… what will, and was
A fulcrum of balance to choose because
There is only ever this pause, so wait
And choose this interval to celebrate
…Love can only be right now
In the space we share, somehow
Between the words… between the friends
Behind the story that never ends
No words are needed, just the idea
To send my love, to you, my dear
Niccola Willis · Out of the Box poetry cards
Question 7
speaks·listensYour turn to speakis speaking
What are the major blessings, breakthroughs and things you are grateful for?
- …in your life
- …or from today
For , listeningYour turn to listenWhat your buddy is doing
You can do this one together if you prefer — the answers grow and develop by sharing and encouraging each other.
’s listYour list’s turn
Name your blessings
Add a few. They will be waiting for you at the end of the walk.
Let them count them out
Encourage them — blessings grow when they are said out loud. Your list comes next.
Question 7
Swap over
Hand the phone to . listens now.Your turn now. Take a breath, and answer the same question in your own words. answers now. Listen, and reflect back what you hear.
Take your time
Question 7
speaks·listensYour turn to speakis speaking
What are the major blessings, breakthroughs and things you are grateful for?
- …in your life
- …or from today
For , listeningYour turn to listenWhat your buddy is doing
You can do this one together if you prefer — the answers grow and develop by sharing and encouraging each other.
’s listYour list’s turn
Name your blessings
Add a few. They will be waiting for you at the end of the walk.
Let them count them out
Encourage them — blessings grow when they are said out loud. Your list comes next.
Exercise 7 · do it together
Express your joy!
- Right now, out loudJump for joy, or laugh, or express happiness in any way you choose.
“
Your happiness is a gift, because it gives you greater access to the natural qualities of your being.
Ten symptoms of happiness — see which ones you recognise.
Happiness symptoms · 1 of 3
Presence, acceptance, selflessness
Presence
The greatest gift you can give to another is your presence.
Acceptance
As you accept yourself, you relax and become present — and people feel more accepted by you.
Selflessness
The less you think “I need”, “I want”, “I must” — and the less you get in your own way.
Happiness symptoms · 2 of 3
Authenticity, equanimity, wisdom
Authenticity
You want to live in integrity, weaving your values into work and relationships.
Equanimity
You meet your feelings with compassion, which saves you from unnecessary drama.
Wisdom
You think more clearly, and can listen to your inner wisdom.
Happiness symptoms · 3 of 3
Altruism, enthusiasm, kindness, love
Altruism
Feeling good makes you feel connected — and wanting to do good.
Enthusiasm
The more fun you feel, the more fully you give yourself to each experience.
Kindness
You remember to live from the heart.
Love
Speak with love, listen with love, act with love.
A poem for the road
The Present of Joy
Joy is here
Inside this gift
Here is the present
…No lid to lift
Boxed in somehow
Under layers of guilt
That the repeated story
Has steadily built
…So now in one go
I can dive right in
Anytime I choose
To look within
I am the gift
That I can share
And Joy is the blessing
…If I willingly dare!
Niccola Willis · Out of the Box poetry cards
Question 8
speaks·listensYour turn to speakis speaking
Reclaim a sense of wholeness, and commit to your own well-being.
How might you make positive changes for your well-being?
- Physical
- Emotional
- Mental
- Spiritual
For , listeningYour turn to listenWhat your buddy is doing
Note down the intentions and give helpful feedback. Notice if one area gets less attention than the others, and point that out at the end.
For you’s turn
Your well-being pledge
One small, real intention in each area. Leave any blank that isn’t pressing.
Note it down for them
Hold what they say, and feed it back at the end. Yours is next.
“
Remember to have fun!
Allow creativity and spontaneity. No shoulds or oughts — just what really feels good to do.
Question 8
Swap over
Hand the phone to . listens now.Your turn now. Take a breath, and answer the same question in your own words. answers now. Listen, and reflect back what you hear.
Take your time
Question 8
speaks·listensYour turn to speakis speaking
Reclaim a sense of wholeness, and commit to your own well-being.
How might you make positive changes for your well-being?
- Physical
- Emotional
- Mental
- Spiritual
For , listeningYour turn to listenWhat your buddy is doing
Note down the intentions and give helpful feedback. Notice if one area gets less attention than the others, and point that out at the end.
For you’s turn
Your well-being pledge
One small, real intention in each area. Leave any blank that isn’t pressing.
Note it down for them
Hold what they say, and feed it back at the end. Yours is next.
Exercise 8 · do it together
Make your heart glow
- Do something nowAnything at all that makes your heart glow. Don’t save it for later.
To help with question 8
Well-being pledge
An invitation to let your well-being flourish.
Physical
Sleep and breathing, nourishing food, movement, healthy treats.
Emotional
Me time, friend time, spontaneous fun, time out for special things.
Mental
Clarity, vision and hope, learning, growth, balance and laughter.
Spiritual
Spirit is whole already. Let it feed you, and nourish it with practice.
Question 9
speaks·listensYour turn to speakis speaking
If you were to follow your joy more than ever before, what would you do differently?
For , listeningYour turn to listenWhat your buddy is doing
Remind your buddy that joy is their essential nature — they don’t have to change who they are, only how they express it.
Question 9
Swap over
Hand the phone to . listens now.Your turn now. Take a breath, and answer the same question in your own words. answers now. Listen, and reflect back what you hear.
Take your time
Question 9
speaks·listensYour turn to speakis speaking
If you were to follow your joy more than ever before, what would you do differently?
For , listeningYour turn to listenWhat your buddy is doing
Remind your buddy that joy is their essential nature — they don’t have to change who they are, only how they express it.
Exercise 9 · do it together
Reflect, smile, share
- Reflect and smileThink of something you have always wanted to do, but not allowed yourself to. It can be very small — but it must make you smile when you think about doing it.
- Share with your buddyTell them, and make a date to share whether you managed it. No guilt if not — just a strong intention to overcome the fear of not doing it.
For you’s turn
The thing you’ll finally do
Write it down, and pick the day you’ll tell your buddy how it went.
Note it down for them
Hold what they say, and feed it back at the end. Yours is next.
For you’s turn
The thing you’ll finally do
Write it down, and pick the day you’ll tell your buddy how it went.
Note it down for them
Hold what they say, and feed it back at the end. Yours is next.
To help with question 9
The gift
Without judgement
Experiencing yourself without judgement and only with love. True happiness is not a thought; it is an experience.
It comes from you
The more you let yourself be happy, the more receptive you are to your life as it happens. It comes from you. You are it.
A path, not a prize
Unless you cultivate an awareness of joy, no amount of pleasure can make you happy.
Deeper reflections
Carry these home
Your definition
It influences every other significant decision in your life.
Your inquiry
The deeper you inquire, the more fully true happiness reveals itself.
Your wish
To wish for happiness is to wish to be the most loving person you can be.
Your joy
Giving up all resistance to unreasonable joy. It comes from you. You are it.
“
To be happy is to love… to love is to be happy.
A poem for the road
Happiness Flows
Happiness flows …
From my head to my toes
Just let it well up …
And see where it goes
The more you give …
The better it will get
So keep on forgiving …
In case you forget!
Niccola Willis · Out of the Box poetry cards
Your walk
What you carry away
Everything you noted on the walk. It stays on this phone.
Next steps
Keep it going
Happy explorations!
- Make a date with your buddy in two weeks, or a month.
- Book another walk and go on exploring.
With much gratitude
The people behind the walk
Inspiration
Dr. Robert Holden
The walk is adapted from his work, mostly his book “Be Happy”.
Created by
Niccola Willis
Happiness coach. The poems are from her “Out of the Box” cards.
Created by
Keith Bollman
Original layout of the booklet.
We hope you enjoyed your walk
Happy explorations — and back to the beginning whenever you are ready.
Swipe, or tap the sides
Happiness Walk
Start the walk over?
Your notes will be cleared.